Mission Profiles

Bear Barker BEEN A MISSION MAN SINCE- 1992 LIVES- Penwithick MISSIONS ATTENDED- 39/41 OTHER NAMES - Goof Troop, Godfrey, Banner clava Bear DANGEROUS BASTARD?- He's nuts ! BEST KNOWN FOR- His balaclava HIS BEST MISSION SO FAR- Halloweener part sechs [6] IS HE STILL DOING MISSIONS? - At present he has not announced plans to quit but age is starting to catch up with him OVERALL MISSION RATING- ***** SUMMARY- He's one of the more experienced members who has seen and been involved in a lot of the crazy activities over the years. Bear was the king of Halloween 2002 and he's still attending missions to this very day. He will want to see out his 40th mission at Halloween 2004 and then retirement could just be on the horizon.

Steven Dash BEEN A MISSION MAN SINCE- 1993 LIVES- Boscoppa MISSIONS ATTENDED- 37/41 OTHER NAMES - Fish finger, Mc Chicken, Mc Bandage DANGEROUS BASTARD?- Used to be but he's under the thumb now BEST KNOWN FOR- Some good quotes like ' this tree's bending like a t**t ' HIS BEST MISSION SO FAR- Operation Forest Pants IS HE STILL DOING MISSIONS? - Retired very lamely before Halloween 2003 OVERALL MISSION RATING- **** SUMMARY- Has faced nearly every mission situation in history. Killer dogs, Ecc vans, car chases the lot you would think. But however, he retired just 2 or 3 missions too soon as he missed some of the best action in history including the filming of Operation Carnage. His shoes have been filled by new blood now so the pub can have him.

Jason Hoare BEEN A MISSION MAN SINCE- 1999 LIVES- Mevagissey/Plymouth MISSIONS ATTENDED- 13/41 OTHER NAMES - Beavis, Beev, Giant DANGEROUS BASTARD?- Watch him lift those JCBs ! BEST KNOWN FOR- Being a giant of the land HIS BEST MISSION SO FAR- Operation Forest Pants IS HE STILL DOING MISSIONS? - Yes is the answer but he's very busy these days OVERALL MISSION RATING- **** SUMMARY- Often a gentle giant but when he kicks off he can go wild. Remember the building he battered to the floor on Forest Pants and last years egging action at Halloween? - classic memories. Beavis has been on enough missions to call himself a hero. His latest Halloween missions have been top class and it would be a shame for him to miss out on the next one.

Gareth Massey BEEN A MISSION MAN SINCE-1999 LIVES- Penwithick MISSIONS ATTENDED- 15/41 OTHER NAMES - Massey, Bender, Stinker, Smelly, Loser DANGEROUS BASTARD?- The most dangerous mission man in years BEST KNOWN FOR- Telling Tom Martyn to f**k off HIS BEST MISSION SO FAR- Operation Friendly Fire IS HE STILL DOING MISSIONS? - For sure and he has no plans to stop yet OVERALL MISSION RATING- *** SUMMARY- Has always been a bit of a crappy wimp on missions and used to get beaten up halfway through almost every mission because he was pissing someone off. How things have changed since 2002. Gareth is now the craziest mission man in history, nothing is too daring for him. It's a pity he cant keep quiet when he needs to otherwise he'd be a great all round mission buddy.

Rick Barker BEEN A MISSION MAN SINCE- 1992 LIVES- Penwithick MISSIONS ATTENDED- 41/41 OTHER NAMES - Dillon Predator, Pigad DANGEROUS BASTARD?- Bit of a grandad these days BEST KNOWN FOR- Organising the missions HIS BEST MISSION SO FAR- Operation Fish [ a well planned classic ] that is still remembered by virtually all in his year group at Poltair School IS HE STILL DOING MISSIONS? - Wanted to retire in 2002 but the others wont let him OVERALL MISSION RATING- ***** SUMMARY- Has been on all the past missions which have made him an expert on these things. After the incredible Halloween 2003 mission was pulled off it showed that any mission could be completed by him and the gang. He doesn't do the daring stuff as much as he used to as the young blood are filling his shoes but planning some of the missions recently have been so important . His retirement date has still not been penciled in but he's getting a bit old for this.

Daniel Lemon BEEN A MISSION MAN SINCE- 2000 LIVES- Anywhere MISSIONS ATTENDED- 6/41 OTHER NAMES - Lemon, Dan DANGEROUS BASTARD?- Only in the wrong hands BEST KNOWN FOR- Being on a mission 365 days a year HIS BEST MISSION SO FAR- Operation One Of The Worst IS HE STILL DOING MISSIONS? - He's ready to face all challenges OVERALL MISSION RATING- **** SUMMARY- Lemon hasn't been on too many missions but he has experience of some good ones that he has been on. Got badly drawn away from the plot in 2003 when being too influenced by Gareth's stupidity on Halloween 2002 but at the time, he'd thrown more eggs than anyone. Lemon has been absent since but rumour has it that his return is ready and he wants a part of Halloween 2004 and beyond. It would be good because he is usually an important member.

Jim Martyn BEEN A MISSION MAN SINCE- 1999 LIVES- Pondu - St Austell MISSIONS ATTENDED- 15/41 OTHER NAMES - Jimmy, Graham Golfball DANGEROUS BASTARD?- Not as bad as his brother BEST KNOWN FOR- Being in love with a dog called Eric HIS BEST MISSION SO FAR- Operation Halloweener IS HE STILL DOING MISSIONS? - Wimped out and retired in 2003 to live in a pub corner drinking whiskey OVERALL MISSION RATING- *** SUMMARY- Jim joined the fray with a classic entrance in 1999 when he met a doberman called Eric. While everyone ran away with terror, Jim slowly stroked the dogs ass to calm it down. After that he became a mission regular and saw his brother off into retirement many years ago. However, by 2002 he was putting in poor performances and the final straw came at Halloween 2002 when he never even tried to participate and angered 3 or 4 mission men on the night who didn't want him back. He knew he was finished and retired barely 3 months later.

Rich Hart BEEN A MISSION MAN SINCE- 1999 LIVES- Roche MISSIONS ATTENDED- 8/41 OTHER NAMES - Pasty, Frankie, Tart DANGEROUS BASTARD?- Total psycho BEST KNOWN FOR- Driving like he has a death wish HIS BEST MISSION SO FAR- Operation Forest Eggs IS HE STILL DOING MISSIONS? - Says he is but doesn't show up much OVERALL MISSION RATING- **** SUMMARY- They dont come much more looney than this. When he wants to complete his aim he usually does. He almost killed Jim a while back when hitting him with a rock from 30 yards and almost killed the whole crew in a car a few years back. Hasn't been on a mission for some time but it would be good to see him back soon. His return in 2003 proved not to be and we wait to see where and what he is doing.

Tom Martyn BEEN A MISSION MAN SINCE- 1999 LIVES- St Austell - cooperative area MISSIONS ATTENDED- 6/41 OTHER NAMES - Has no other names DANGEROUS BASTARD?- Has been known to attack Gareth and Kai BEST KNOWN FOR- Attacking Gareth and Kai HIS BEST MISSION SO FAR- Operation Halloweener 2 in 2000 IS HE STILL DOING MISSIONS? - Retired in 2000 OVERALL MISSION RATING- *** SUMMARY- His attendances fizzled out around the end of 2000 and he hasn't been seen on a mission since claiming he's grown up. However he could just be lying as he was seen only last year driving round town throwing eggs at children from the window of a car. That was 2003. This is 2004 and I wouldn't bet on him being out egging on Halloween or any other date in the future.

Guy Pomeroy BEEN A MISSION MAN SINCE- 1999 LIVES- In a University MISSIONS ATTENDED- 2/41 OTHER NAMES - Captain Cockney DANGEROUS BASTARD?- He could have been dangerous - never BEST KNOWN FOR- Shouting Kai's name loudly when escaping on Forest Shaft HIS BEST MISSION SO FAR- Operation Forest Shaft IS HE STILL DOING MISSIONS? - Yeah right OVERALL MISSION RATING- ** SUMMARY- Very few missions to his name but of the couple he did attend, he did make an impact and they were probably 2 of the best remembered ones. His desperate cries of 'kaiiiiii' 'kaiiiiii' can still be heard to this day. However, to be recognised as a hero you need to do more missions than just a couple and he hasn't made any effort to recently. He seems like a one hit wonder.

Kai Rowse BEEN A MISSION MAN SINCE- 1999 LIVES- Unknown at Present MISSIONS ATTENDED- 6/41 OTHER NAMES - Yag, Bender DANGEROUS BASTARD?- Softer than a cushion BEST KNOWN FOR- Lending out his tent HIS BEST MISSION SO FAR- Operation Forest Pants IS HE STILL DOING MISSIONS? - No as he's gone missing OVERALL MISSION RATING- *** SUMMARY- Kai had a very promising mission career. He had taken part on some brilliant missions and provided the gang with a tent for camping out. Then, out of the blue he just vanished into thin air, never to be seen again. It's a mystery that continues to this very day, where is Kai? He hasn't been seen for over 3 years now and until he returns his name wont appear on any mission sheets. We hope he's alive.

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